The Name Game

Spend a day on an Australian job site and you’ll cop a nickname—earned, stitched-up, or forever regretted. Here’s the definitive, no-BS roll-call of who’s who on site (and why you never want to be called “Perth”).

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Weapons of the Site (They Keep the Job Moving)

Nickname	Why He’s a Weapon
Measure Twice	Reads the plans, marks once, cuts perfect.
Early Bird	Framing up before sunrise while you’re still hunting caffeine.
The Machine	Outworks everyone before smoko—no small talk, just hammer hits.
The Magician	Fixes anything with zip-ties, Sikaflex and blind faith.
Old Mate	Building since before cordless drills; still faster than you.
Calculator	Quotes a job in his head—materials, labour, margin—bang-on.
Turbo	Flat-out, high gear, never stalls.

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Anchors & Excuses (Slowing the Crew)

Nickname	Why They’re an Anchor
Wheelbarrow	Only works when pushed.
Sensor Light	Springs to life only when the boss walks past.
Cordless	Charges all night, lasts two hours.
Brake Pad	Squeals after the smallest workload.
Cane Toad	Squats every time he stops working.
Blister	Shows up when the hard work’s done.
Paper Straw	Gives it a crack… but not for long.

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Ghosts & Houdinis (Impossible to Locate)

Nickname	Special Talent
Golf Ball	Hard to find; ricochets off site the second you blink.
10 mm Socket	Vanishes when you need him most.
Hostage	“Tied up, mate” every time work appears.
Egon	“Where’s he gone?” every hour on the hour.

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Hopeless Cases (Keep Them Away from Anything Expensive)

Nickname	Why They’re Hopeless
Harvey Norman	The Three-year apprentice with no interest.
Noodles	Every task is “two minutes,” turns up after lunch.
Wrong Way	Measures once, cuts wrong—twice.
Deck Chair	Folds at the first sign of pressure.
Kinder Surprise	Melts the moment temps hit 30 °C.
Perth	Permanently three hours behind everyone else.
Butterfingers	If it can be dropped, it will be.
Bottle	Empty from the neck up.

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Classic Trade Names (Still Undefeated)

Trade	Nickname
Electrician	Sparky
Carpenter	Chippie
Bricklayer	Brickie
Plumber	Plumbo
Plasterer	Gyprocker
Painter	Roller

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Legends-in-Training (Apprentice Specials)

Nickname	Apprentice Behaviour
Google	”How do I…” is his ringtone.
Bunnings	Sent on ten runs before lunch.
2-Stroke	Hard to start, always smoking.
Sponge	Soaks up knowledge like crazy (the good ones).
Coffee	Lives on caffeine, crashes by 3 PM.
Einstein	Knows it all… according to him.
Butter	Slippery when it comes to hard work.
Calculator	Can’t add up without his phone.
Rookie	Still figuring out which end of the hammer to hold.
Wicket-keeper	Puts on the gloves and stands back.
Devondale	Someone who always does the cream jobs.

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💼 Boss Nicknames You’ll Hear Behind Their Backs

Nickname	Why They Earned It
The Bank	Talks invoices more than tools.
Captain Chaos	Changes plans mid-cut, mid-sentence.
Ghost	Never on site, always calling.
The Terminator	Fires someone weekly—sometimes twice.

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How to Earn a Nickname (Fast)

1. Stuff up big.
2. Stand out—good or bad.
3. Develop an annoying habit.
4. Simply exist—the crew will invent something.

Newsflash: you rarely get to pick it—and it always sticks.

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Nicknames Build Banter… But Clients Want Professionalism

You might be “Wheelbarrow” to the boys, but customers just want the phone answered. TradieDesk’s AI receptionist handles every call, books every job, and never ghosts the client—no matter what your crew calls you.

Stop losing work because “Golf Ball” legged it again.
Try TradieDesk and keep the laughs on site while we keep business humming.

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Got a ripper nickname story? Flick this to the group chat and find out who’s secretly calling you “Perth.”

This was written by the guy who carries everyone.

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Additional inspiration from Finnley Electrical’s guide to apprentice nicknames.